MOLLY HAVILAND

An audio text installation: The God Chapters. 

This work is designed to be experienced in a dark enclosed space, your reality becomes only the text and sound. 

T-Shirts and a print publication of the text were produced. 

THE GOD CHAPTERS

CHAPTER ONE

HELL

when the world of the end comes

will you be there with me daddy

i want my daddy to see it with me

whats it gonna look like when it happens daddy

i don’t want no fire to scratch my eyes

scratch your soul more like

will we meet all the people in hevan

lord knows i don’t even know how to spell heavn

so when the devil has scratched my soul

will it be dark and black

black like the tar drippin

lord knows will i still have my daddy to hold me tight

lord knows i didn’t even had a chance to had a baby yet

and hold an baby of my own

will you hold my soul baby daddy

i aint got no baby dady though

or souls mind

my family can all meet in heavn and their souls can meet my bby and my bby daddy

you cant have no baby though when you aint got no baby daddy

and when the world gonna end

then theres just cracks and it might get dropped in one

or go gone crawl in one

can it crawl into my heart and i keep it safe

whilst we run from the scratching fire

you make my heart bleed daddy

if you not there then it aint worth it

it aint worth survivin for daddy

the scratchy fire can eat my eyes then get into my body

and eat it from the inside out

will it leave little earth worms to crawl together in there family

the wood looks so protecting but it will be burnt to a crisp

like my body or rot

can we cross the river of sea in that boat daddy

and we will find mommy

gods scorn all hurtin my eyes

its like when the sun burns into your eyeballs

and it don’t go away

i know i lived a sinful life

why im not tryna run

stop hurtin my eyes though

if i try to care for things

like a baby

will the hurt go away

when the world of the end comes

you know people are gonna be crawling ontop of each other like flies

and there be no babies no more

and you and me and everything we know

we fade back into the nothingness in which we came

and god don’t scorn our eyeballs no more

you don’t wanna get too close to god

cos he might chain you to his chair

you know that gold throne he sits up in heavn on

hevan must be a lonely place

when you gots a cold gold chair to sit on

my mumma be mad if i don’t make it up there

better start peeling back my eyelids

that’s black tars still drippin

from those trees where they use to hang people from

there be a river of tar soon daddy

then we float across it

then we find mommy

where we gone lost mommy somewhere

when i peel back my eyelids i see things more clearly

you go holla her daddy

then we find each other then

then we can goes to that gold chair in the sky

but then my sister be born

so we gotta make sure we all get in the boat

shes a baby that likes to crawl in the cracks

she don’t feel gods scorn like me no more

cos shes just a baby

her eyes don’t work

so she don’t see it yet

but i see

i see the ends of the world they come for us

till we aint see no more

im a god fearin creature so let my soul rest

and all be still

and the black tar run over our bodies

and these words

make no sound no more

come to me my babe

and we rest here

like two fat sleepin pigs

i hush you into a lullaby of hate n love

n then that’s life

till we don’t live no more

n our eyeballs will rest

we wont need to eyeball the evil people no more

or god

he will lay our bodies to rest

sleep now baby

does the hate show on my face

cos god gone see that

wink and it go away

a baby cant wink

cos a baby cant see

a cockatoo gonna scream

he ring that bell three times

then we know its gonna come for us

don’t show no hate then

then it be embedded on your soul

when we burn to a crisp

dat baby say she like crisps

but i gone thought they were too sharp for her mouth

only a soft nipple

fit in there

or a cry

fit outta there

we gots to get outta there daddy

like the chickens be running now

the fires of hell be burning

three days now

and it still not touched the souls

of our tar feet

when you gone learn baby

there is no tomorrow

just all our yesterdays huddled up in a ball together

like a baby

and we gots to carry it and get outta here

but where we go

we gots no where to go baby daddy

sway into the arms of mommy

she cry for all us

dem soft salty tears

that feel so warms on my skin

she bathe us in then

and absolve our sins

den the end of world can come

cry for me mommy and my babe

dat never be born

cos we be no more

the honey so sweet on dat wooden spoon

though mumma slap my bottom with dat spoon

when i be the naughty one

then the bee come n sting me for eating its honey

right on the bum where i been hit by the spoon

there aint no guilt if there be redemption

the honey tastes sweeter that way

she cry me into a cradle and then i gone be born

whys do i have to gone get born again

i didn’t like it the first time

let the fire swallow me whole then

this body swallowing me whole again

no the world swallowing me whole again now

then you see what i mean

evil people have evil thoughts

i told you that long ago

buts you never listen to when i cry

go here baby

nurse on my nipple

mummas make the world okay

but when they be gone we should all be gone

then the black tar swallow us whole

this life aint servin me no more

it aint been for a long time

so i up and left

a baby in the cradle

and someone ready to snatch it

a gator with its shiny teeth

wanna eat that meat

like we eat the gator

and that the circle full grown

like my baby full grown

it now have limbs

to swing to trees from

from branch to branch

but when it drops one day

the gator eat it then

and i jump in its mouth too

this world be funny

my grandmumma said

then she left

now its my turn baby

its all our turns babies

we cant see that sky no more

its someone elses now

none of ours

in my life if i see a baby

i put it down the cracks

cos it likes it there

warm soft earth

round it

it see the stars in the sky at night

from that crack in the earth

you cant trick me

i see your evil

and the evil people you come from

cos we all come from them don’t we

and then in one look mumma saved my soul

and we all got on the boat

and wes were saved and happy

i don’t think of you fondly now

god

daddy dry my tears

when you have a life

grow inside you like a tree

does it feel good

and righteous

baby daddy come and sort me out

god aint here no more

he aint hear me

i guess im just asking

when the end of the world come

will you be my baby daddy

the birds fly high over this city

higher then i ever seen before

ready to break your bones

break your neck and back

ready to eat your bones

till you don’t be on this ground no more

CHAPTER TWO

LUV

i

lost

a

lot

of

luv

4

missionary

this

is

the

1st

time

i

confess

CHAPTER THREE

CREATION

SHE LET OUT A CRY

AS SHE BIRTHS THE WORLD

BIRTHS A BABY BOY

THROUGH HER HIP BONE

IT CRACKS OUT OF PLACE

AS THE LOVE ESCAPES HER BODY

THE FETUS EMERGES

AND SO DO HER TEARS

A NEW SKIN

THE OLD ONE PEELED BACK

SHE PUSHES THROUGH HER BELLY

THE BELLY OF THE WORLD PUSHED OUT HER BELLY

EYE UPON EYE

SUNDANCE IN THE SKY

YOU ME N HIM ARE WARRIORS

OF THE CLOUDS

SOFT SKIN

BUT STRONG

LIKE THE NAILS HE IS ALREADY BORN WITH

YOU WILL BE KING

YOU WILLL BE MY KING

THE ARCH OF THE BACK

AND THE RELEASE OF WORDLY TROUBLES

MY LORD HAS LOOKED DOWN ON ME WITH FAVOUR TODAY

KING AND QUEEN

REIGNING IN A KIGDOM OF LOVE

A BELLY FULL OF LAUGHTER

AS IT COMMENCES

SWOLLEN ECSTATIC LIMBS

I KNEW YOU LONG AGO

AND I KNOW YOU NOW

WHAT CAN U TELL ME NOW

OF YOUR WORLDY ACHES AND PLEASURES

WE HAVE GROWN TOGETHER SO LONG NOW LIMBS

AND NOW WE HAVE GROWN NEW LIMBS

I LOOKED AT YOU THROUGH MY CHILDS EYES

AND YOU WERE DIFFERENT THEN

NOW YOU ARE NEW

BUT YOU WILL CHANGE AGAIN

I NEVER UNDERSTOOD HOW YOU WOULD CHANGE AGAIN

BUT THE OTHER DAY I REALISED

I SAW U CHANGING WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN’T LOOKING

CAUGHT YOUR MAGIC

COS YOU ARE MAGIC

YOU WHSIPERED THAT TO ME LONG AGO

LIKE THE BABY WHISPERS TO ME NOW

YOU CREAK IN MY BODY

AND I HEAR YOU DULL ACHES AND HEAVY MOANS

JOYOUS MOANS TOO

BUT WHAT WILL YOU DO LIMBS WHEN YOU CANT TAKE ANY MORE

WILL YOU TELL ME

OR WILL YOU JUST STOP AND BETRAY ME

PLEASE NEVER BETRAY ME

BECAUSE I COULDN’T HANDLE IT

I LOVE YOU FROM MARROW

AND YOU BETRAYING ME WOULD HURT TO MUCH

I PROMISE TO LOVE YOU

SOFTLY AND SWEETLY

KISS YOU IN THE DARK

AND USE GENTLE WORDS AROUND YOU

I CAN OIL YOU WITH MY LUCSIOUS WORDS

OR HEAVY OILS

YOU SPEAK TO ME LONG AGO LIMBS

BUT NOT NOW

NOT ANYMORE

DOES THAT MEAN YOUR DYING ALREADY

PLEASE DON’T DIE ON ME

BUT I KNOW YOU HAVE TO DIE

LIKE MY CHILD EYES WHICH ONCE I USED TO SEE YOU WITH

WE HAVE TO LOVELY

BUT I DON’T WANT TO OF COURSE

WHEN YOU USE THESE WORDS LIKE LOVELY

FILLED WITH SO MUCH LOVE

I UNDERSTAND YOUR LOVE

WITHOUT YOU SAYING IT

OR TRYING TO SAY IT

IT JUST IS

LIKE A TREE GROWING

LIKE MY LIMBS TALKING

THESE MAGICS

ARE SOFT VEILS TO MAKE IT OKAY WHEN THINGS DIE

BECAUSE THAT HURTS DOESN’T IT

THAT’S WHAT EVERYONE SAYS

ISNT IT

IT HURTS TO DIE

AND HURTS EVEN MORE TO SEE SOMEONE DIE

LIKE A MOUNTAIN STANDING STRONG

SO WILL MY LOVE STAND STRONG

IN AN EMPTY DESERT OF YOUR HEART

LIMBS HOLD ME IN MORNING

AND LATE AT NIGHT

WHEN THE WORLDS NOT TALKING

MY LIMBS GIGGLE THEN

LIKE CHILDREN

IT WAKES ME ROUSES MY BODY

AND I FEEL THAT FIRE IN MY BODY

THAT FIRE WHICH LETS YOU KNOW YOUR NOT DEAD YET

A LOT OF PEOPLE TRY TO KILL THEMSELEVES

BUT WHEN YOU HAVE A BODY WHICH LOVES YOU

THAT WOULD BETRAY IT

WOULDNT IT

LIKE YOUR LIMBS WOULD IF THEY DIED ON YOU

THE LAUGHTER OF CHILDREN CANT MAKE THAT OKAY

WHEN YOU SOOTHED MY SOUL

IN THE SOFT NIGHT

I TOLD NO ONE

AND MY SOUL REACHES FOR YOU NOW

WHILE I BIRTH THIS BABY

THROUGH MY TORMENTED BODY

ITS NOT TORMENT

I SAW MY CAT DO IT

IT IS JOYOUS STRUGGLE FOR JOYOUS PLEASURES

OH LORD

A SIGH OF DELIGHT

I TALK TO MY LIMBS AND THEY TALK BACK

THIS ANCIENT LANGUAGE OF TREES

WILLOW WHSIPER THIS SCENT

BY THE EDGES OF LAKE

THEIR PERFUME INTOXICATES YOUR MIND

LIKE A HEAVY LOVE

THE HOUR WHERE SPELLS ARE BOUND

AND MORTALS ARE BOUND

THEIR SOULS TOGETHER

THEIR SOUL SEARCH COMPLETE

THIS MOMENT COMPLETES ME

THE MOMENT MY LIMBS STRETCH

AND BONES MAKE WAY FOR NEW BONES

AND A NEW BODY

THE HEAT RISES AND MY POWER SWELLS INSIDE OF ME

ITS INSIDE OF US ALL

YOU HEAR HER SOFT CRYING AS A LITTLE GIRL

ITS YOU

ITS YOU CRYING AS A LITTLE GIRL

AND THE TEARS FALL DOWN YOUR FACE NOW

HOW HAVE YOU COME SO FAR FROM THAT LITTLE GIRL

AN ETERNITY

IT IS EASY TO GET LOST

I HAVE COME HERE TO GET FOUND

LIMBS GUIDE ME

LIKE BODIES OF GODS

TIED TO MY SOUL

WEIGHING ME TO THESE WORLDY PLEASURES

BUT I CANNOT STOP CRYING AT MYSELF

AS A LITTLE GIRL CRYING

DID I KNOW ALL THE PAIN I WOULD FEEL THEN NOW

IS THAT WHY I AM CRYING

HER SKIN LOOKS SONEW

AND HAIR SO FREE

EVERY CELL OF HER IS ALIVE

AM I JUST CRYING NOW COS YOU CELLS HAVE DIED

I HAVE KILLED MY OWN CELLS

FROM THEN TILL NOW

BUT THERE IS NO GOING BACK

YOU DIDN’T KNOW WHAT DEATH WOULD LOOK LIKE THEN

BUT YOU SAW IT TWICE AFTER THAT

AND YOU WILL SEE IT MORE BABY GIRL

DON’T LIE TO YOURSELF

SO GO CRY THOSE TEARS

IF THOSE ON THE OTHER SIDE HEAR MY

BODILY PRAYER

OUR BODIES WILL BE TOGETHER SOON

BUT FIRST I MUST BIRTH THIS NEW LIFE

A PANTING PAUSE

A STICKY SENSATION AND A BURST

AND INFLUX OF MY OWN POWER

BABY GIRL YOU CAN DO IT

I KNOW YOU’VE CHANGED I KNOW THAT MAKES YOU CRY

I KNOW YOU’VE LOVED LOADS OF THINGS

AND LETTING GO OF ANYTHNG ONCE YOU’VE LOVED IT IS DIFFICULT

DON’T LET IT MAKE YOU BITTER

YOU HAVE TO BIRTH THIS LIFE FIRST BEFORE YOU DIE

I WILL JUST WALK OFF AND DIE

AND NO ONE WILL FIND ME

I WONDER WHEN YOU LOOKED DEATH IN THE EYE

THOSE TWO TIMES BEFORE

WILL IT LOOK DIFFERENT NOW

WHEN IT HOLDS YOUR BODY

IN A SOFT STRONG DRIP

THAT DRAGS YOU UNDER

WHY DO SOULS HAVE TO BE SINGULAR THINGS

WHY CANT OUR SOULS ATTACH IN THIS WORLD

THEN THERE WOULDN’T BE SUCH A RACE TO THE NEXT

OR THE INDESCRIBABLE PLEASURE OF THE NEXT

WHEN OUR SOULS MEET IT WILL

BE TRULY BETTER THAN OUR BODIES EVER MEETING

THEN THAT WILL BE PURE JOY

AND AS I THINK OF JOY

THIS BABY PUSHES AGAINST MY SKIN AGAINST MY INSIDES

AS I PUSH

AS I FEEL THE SKIN EXPANDING

I AM ONLY A MORTAL

BUT ONE DAY I WILL BE NO MORE

I AM ONLY A MORTAL

BUT SOMEDAY I WILL BE MORE

THEY KISS MY FOREHEAD

AND CHRISTIAN ME INTO

THE REALM OF SOULS

AS THIS BABY LEAVES MY BODY

AND I LEAVE THIS WORLD

I ONLY HEAR ITS CRY

THEN I AM GONE

THE ECSTATIC PLEASURE OF MY LIMBS IS NO MORE

I DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO WALK OFF AND DIE

I JUST DIED LAYING THERE ANYWAY

BUT I AM HERE NOW

IN THE PLACE I HAVE FOREVER DREAMED OFF

WITH ALL MY SELEVES

MY BABY GIRL SELF AND MY FULL GROWN SELF

AND NOW THIS NEW SELF

AND I STAY HERE AND WAIT FOR YOU

MY BODILY PLEASURES

THAT BREATHED SOUL INTO MY MORTAL BODY

WHEN I STOOD ON THE EARTH

I WATCH YOU GROW FROM HERE FOR NOW

AND WE WILL MEET AGAIN

AND OUR BODIES WILL COMMUNE

I DON’T NEED TO CRY ANYMORE

YOU BOTH WILL COME TO ME

MY CHILD AND KING

AND WE WILL LAY HERE IN THIS KINGDOM

A KINGDOM OF PARADISE

NOT PLEASURE

BUT I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH

THIS GREEDY

PLEASURABLE LOVE

THIS RICH LOVE

LIKE A RICH SCENT

OR CREAMY TASTE

OH BABY BOY THESE WORLDY PLEASURES YOU HAVE TO SEE

THE MARROW OF MY BONE

IS THE MARROW OF YOUR BONE

SO I AM STILL WITH YOU

WITHIN YOU

AND WITHOUT YOU

YOU CURLS GROW

AND I KISS THEM EVERY DAY

CLOUD KISSES

WHICH CIRCLE AROUND YOUR HEAD

IN A CROWN

FORMING THE BEGINNINGS OF YOUR KINGHOOD

IN THIS KINGDOM OF THE WORLD

YOU WILL FIND A QUEEN

AND SHE WILL KISS YOUR SOUL

BUT FOR NOW YOU GROW STRONG

AND FEEL THE POWER IN YOUR FEET

AS THESE ARE YOUR ANCHORS TO THE WORLD

BUT ONE DAY WE WILL MEET IN THE SKY

I DON’T FORGET MY LORD

MY LOVE

MY KING

OUR SOULS ARE THE STRONGEST TOGETHER

BECAUSE TOGETHER WE MADE THIS

WE MADE A WORLD IN WHICH WE RULE

WITH HAPPINESS AND VIRTUE

AND A SON TO BE KING

AND DEEP BELLY FULLS OF LAUGHTER

MY KING OUR LOVE IS UNWAVORING

AND OUR CONNECTION IS UNQUESTIONABLE

I SALUTE YOUR SOUL

AND WE WILL STAND TOGETHER SOON

IN PARADISE

FOR NOW I WILL LIVE IN YOU

IN THE MARROW

LIKE YOU ONCE LIVED IN ME

IN MY BELLY

FROM BELLY TO MARROW

FOREVER CONNECTED

OUT HEARTS WILL PLAY TOGETHER

LIKE A HARP

IN YOUR LIFETIME

YOU WILL HEAR AN ECHO OF IT

WITH YOUR MORTAL EARS

AND SO WILL YOUR CHILDREN

AND QUEEN

QUEEN GIVE ONTO QUEENS

OUR LOVE IS REBORN

HAPPINESS GROWS

MY LOVE IS SO DEEP

IT COULD EAT THIS ENTIRE WORLD

SO AS I LABOUR YOU NOW

I KNOW MY MARROW

WILL CONTINUE TO YOURS

AND LOVE WILL SUFFICE

AS MY HIP BONE BREAKS

AND I HEAR YOU CRY INTO THE WORLD

BUT NEVER TO LOOK UPON YOUR EYE

MY EYE NEVER TO MEET YOURS

I LEAVE

YOU JOIN AND I LEAVE

NO TIME FOR WALKING OR RUNNING

ITS ALL JUST HAPPENING

NO TIME TO KISS MY KING GOODBYE

THERE IS NO GOODBYE JUST A LAPSE OF TIME

TILL WE MEET AGAIN

INSTEAD I LOOK DEATH IN THE EYE

AND ITS DIFFERENT NOW

SOFT AND SHARP

LETTING GO AND ALL CONSUMING

IT IS EVERYTHING AND NOTHING

I AM HERE NOW

SO AS MY SOUL LEFT THIS WORLD

YOURS JOINED

I LEFT BECAUSE I LABOURED YOU

AND THAT LABOUR

WAS A LOVE SO HEAVY

IT SQUISHED MY HIP BONE

IT BURST MY HEART

THIS HEAVY LOVE CONTINUES IN MY SOUL

NO LIMBS

BUT SOUL

MY EYE DOESN’T NEED TO MEET YOURS

BECAUSE I KNOW IT ALREADY

I CREATED IT IN MY BELLY FULL OF LAUGHS

MY BODY HUGGED YOU IN AND

NOW NO MORE PANTING AND

BACK ARCHING

NO INDESCRIBABLE PLEASURES

A CAT MEOWS BUT I CANNOT

KISS THE EARTH FOR ME WITH YOUR STRONG FEET

MY LOVE WILL FARTHER LIKE A WILLOW TREE

STRONG PROTECTING AND SUPPLE

AND I WILL WATCH OVER FROM A FAR

LIKE A BIRD IN A NEST IN THE TREE

SO YOU ENTERED THIS WORLD CRYING

AND I LEFT THIS WORLD SIGHING

I CRIED AS A LITTLE GIRL

AND NOW YOU CAN TAKE MY PLACE OF THE CRYING

A LAYER OF SWEAT COVERED MY FOREHEAD

AND I MUMBLED

ON THE BRINK OF ETERNITY

AND YOU PUSHED ME IN

ILL SEE YOU IN HERE

MY KING SAW ME OFF INTO THE SOFT DRIP OF DEATH

I FELT HIS LUSCIOUS LIPS ON MY FOREHEAD

HIS HAND ON MY SHOULDER

AND HIM SAYING MY LOVE

THAT WAS ENOUGH OF A FAREWELL FOR ME MY LOVE

IM JUST SORRY I DIDN’T GET TIME TO WALK AWAY

NO TIME FOR WALKING OR RUNNING

WHEN YOUR LABOURING

SKIN BORN ONTO NEW SKIN

CUT THE UMBILICAL CORD

EAT THE PLACENTA AND BE STRONG

KING AND CHILD YET TO BE KING

I WILL CROWN YOU WITH KISSES

NO LIPS TO KISS

NO LIMBS

ILL MEET YOU PAST THE FOURTH ROCK IN THE SKY

THE MIGHTY CLOUDS WILL SHOW YOU THE WAY

TO PARADISE

HEAVEN ISNT POSSIBLE ON EARTH

SO I LOOK FORWARD TO WHEN YOUR BOTH HERE

MY LOVE IS NOW LIMITLESS

AND WITHOUT ANGER

IT JUST IS

THAT IS HEAVEN

I NEVER WANTED TO TURN AWAY FROM YOU

MY LOVE

THE FLOWING WATER FLOATED MY BODY DOWNSTREAM

THE EXHAUSTION WAS TOO MUCH

FOR MY PANTING BODY

AND STRETCHED SKIN

I WORE THIN

MAYBE I WAS NO QUEEN BECAUSE I WAS NOT STRONG

BUT I WAS STRONG AND I AM A QUEEN

I DO NOT NEED TO SAY I LOVE YOU ANYMORE

COS U CAN FEEL IT

ENTER IN THE SKIN

COVER IT LIKE A GOOD WARM OIL

OUR LOVE IS ETERNAL

AND HEAVEN IS OUR ETERNITY

CROWN THIS WORLD WITH JOYS AND MY BODY CAN ROT

AND GROW THE FLOWERS

LIKE YOU GROW YOUR TOE NAILS

STRONG LIKE WHEN YOU WERE FIRST BORN

SWELL YOUR LIMBS TILL THEY ARE FULL

AND YOU WILL BE FULL WITH LOVE

LOVES LABOURS LOST

MY LOVE I LOST TO LABOUR

BUT MY LOVE EXAPANDED

PLEASE FORGIVE MY HEART

FOR BURSTING SO FULL AND MY HIP BONE FOR CRACKING

I HAD TO DIE TO GIVE HIM ALL MY STRENGTH

I WANTED HIM TO HAVE IT ALL

INSTEAD OF LOOK HIM IN THE EYE

IT WAS BETTER THAT WAY

NOW HIS FEET CAN GROW STRONG

ANCHORS IN THE MUD

LET US GIVE EVERYTHING TO OUR KING

PRAISE HIM

FOREVER WAITING BY THE FOURTH ROCK IN THE SKY

THE WOMAN WHO WILL LOVE FOR AN ETERNITY