An audio text installation: The God Chapters.
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THE GOD CHAPTERS
CHAPTER ONE
HELL
when the world of the end comes
will you be there with me daddy
i want my daddy to see it with me
whats it gonna look like when it happens daddy
i don’t want no fire to scratch my eyes
scratch your soul more like
will we meet all the people in hevan
lord knows i don’t even know how to spell heavn
so when the devil has scratched my soul
will it be dark and black
black like the tar drippin
lord knows will i still have my daddy to hold me tight
lord knows i didn’t even had a chance to had a baby yet
and hold an baby of my own
will you hold my soul baby daddy
i aint got no baby dady though
or souls mind
my family can all meet in heavn and their souls can meet my bby and my bby daddy
you cant have no baby though when you aint got no baby daddy
and when the world gonna end
then theres just cracks and it might get dropped in one
or go gone crawl in one
can it crawl into my heart and i keep it safe
whilst we run from the scratching fire
you make my heart bleed daddy
if you not there then it aint worth it
it aint worth survivin for daddy
the scratchy fire can eat my eyes then get into my body
and eat it from the inside out
will it leave little earth worms to crawl together in there family
the wood looks so protecting but it will be burnt to a crisp
like my body or rot
can we cross the river of sea in that boat daddy
and we will find mommy
gods scorn all hurtin my eyes
its like when the sun burns into your eyeballs
and it don’t go away
i know i lived a sinful life
why im not tryna run
stop hurtin my eyes though
if i try to care for things
like a baby
will the hurt go away
when the world of the end comes
you know people are gonna be crawling ontop of each other like flies
and there be no babies no more
and you and me and everything we know
we fade back into the nothingness in which we came
and god don’t scorn our eyeballs no more
you don’t wanna get too close to god
cos he might chain you to his chair
you know that gold throne he sits up in heavn on
hevan must be a lonely place
when you gots a cold gold chair to sit on
my mumma be mad if i don’t make it up there
better start peeling back my eyelids
that’s black tars still drippin
from those trees where they use to hang people from
there be a river of tar soon daddy
then we float across it
then we find mommy
where we gone lost mommy somewhere
when i peel back my eyelids i see things more clearly
you go holla her daddy
then we find each other then
then we can goes to that gold chair in the sky
but then my sister be born
so we gotta make sure we all get in the boat
shes a baby that likes to crawl in the cracks
she don’t feel gods scorn like me no more
cos shes just a baby
her eyes don’t work
so she don’t see it yet
but i see
i see the ends of the world they come for us
till we aint see no more
im a god fearin creature so let my soul rest
and all be still
and the black tar run over our bodies
and these words
make no sound no more
come to me my babe
and we rest here
like two fat sleepin pigs
i hush you into a lullaby of hate n love
n then that’s life
till we don’t live no more
n our eyeballs will rest
we wont need to eyeball the evil people no more
or god
he will lay our bodies to rest
sleep now baby
does the hate show on my face
cos god gone see that
wink and it go away
a baby cant wink
cos a baby cant see
a cockatoo gonna scream
he ring that bell three times
then we know its gonna come for us
don’t show no hate then
then it be embedded on your soul
when we burn to a crisp
dat baby say she like crisps
but i gone thought they were too sharp for her mouth
only a soft nipple
fit in there
or a cry
fit outta there
we gots to get outta there daddy
like the chickens be running now
the fires of hell be burning
three days now
and it still not touched the souls
of our tar feet
when you gone learn baby
there is no tomorrow
just all our yesterdays huddled up in a ball together
like a baby
and we gots to carry it and get outta here
but where we go
we gots no where to go baby daddy
sway into the arms of mommy
she cry for all us
dem soft salty tears
that feel so warms on my skin
she bathe us in then
and absolve our sins
den the end of world can come
cry for me mommy and my babe
dat never be born
cos we be no more
the honey so sweet on dat wooden spoon
though mumma slap my bottom with dat spoon
when i be the naughty one
then the bee come n sting me for eating its honey
right on the bum where i been hit by the spoon
there aint no guilt if there be redemption
the honey tastes sweeter that way
she cry me into a cradle and then i gone be born
whys do i have to gone get born again
i didn’t like it the first time
let the fire swallow me whole then
this body swallowing me whole again
no the world swallowing me whole again now
then you see what i mean
evil people have evil thoughts
i told you that long ago
buts you never listen to when i cry
go here baby
nurse on my nipple
mummas make the world okay
but when they be gone we should all be gone
then the black tar swallow us whole
this life aint servin me no more
it aint been for a long time
so i up and left
a baby in the cradle
and someone ready to snatch it
a gator with its shiny teeth
wanna eat that meat
like we eat the gator
and that the circle full grown
like my baby full grown
it now have limbs
to swing to trees from
from branch to branch
but when it drops one day
the gator eat it then
and i jump in its mouth too
this world be funny
my grandmumma said
then she left
now its my turn baby
its all our turns babies
we cant see that sky no more
its someone elses now
none of ours
in my life if i see a baby
i put it down the cracks
cos it likes it there
warm soft earth
round it
it see the stars in the sky at night
from that crack in the earth
you cant trick me
i see your evil
and the evil people you come from
cos we all come from them don’t we
and then in one look mumma saved my soul
and we all got on the boat
and wes were saved and happy
i don’t think of you fondly now
god
daddy dry my tears
when you have a life
grow inside you like a tree
does it feel good
and righteous
baby daddy come and sort me out
god aint here no more
he aint hear me
i guess im just asking
when the end of the world come
will you be my baby daddy
the birds fly high over this city
higher then i ever seen before
ready to break your bones
break your neck and back
ready to eat your bones
till you don’t be on this ground no more
CHAPTER TWO
LUV
i
lost
a
lot
of
luv
4
missionary
this
is
the
1st
time
i
confess
CHAPTER THREE
CREATION
SHE LET OUT A CRY
AS SHE BIRTHS THE WORLD
BIRTHS A BABY BOY
THROUGH HER HIP BONE
IT CRACKS OUT OF PLACE
AS THE LOVE ESCAPES HER BODY
THE FETUS EMERGES
AND SO DO HER TEARS
A NEW SKIN
THE OLD ONE PEELED BACK
SHE PUSHES THROUGH HER BELLY
THE BELLY OF THE WORLD PUSHED OUT HER BELLY
EYE UPON EYE
SUNDANCE IN THE SKY
YOU ME N HIM ARE WARRIORS
OF THE CLOUDS
SOFT SKIN
BUT STRONG
LIKE THE NAILS HE IS ALREADY BORN WITH
YOU WILL BE KING
YOU WILLL BE MY KING
THE ARCH OF THE BACK
AND THE RELEASE OF WORDLY TROUBLES
MY LORD HAS LOOKED DOWN ON ME WITH FAVOUR TODAY
KING AND QUEEN
REIGNING IN A KIGDOM OF LOVE
A BELLY FULL OF LAUGHTER
AS IT COMMENCES
SWOLLEN ECSTATIC LIMBS
I KNEW YOU LONG AGO
AND I KNOW YOU NOW
WHAT CAN U TELL ME NOW
OF YOUR WORLDY ACHES AND PLEASURES
WE HAVE GROWN TOGETHER SO LONG NOW LIMBS
AND NOW WE HAVE GROWN NEW LIMBS
I LOOKED AT YOU THROUGH MY CHILDS EYES
AND YOU WERE DIFFERENT THEN
NOW YOU ARE NEW
BUT YOU WILL CHANGE AGAIN
I NEVER UNDERSTOOD HOW YOU WOULD CHANGE AGAIN
BUT THE OTHER DAY I REALISED
I SAW U CHANGING WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN’T LOOKING
CAUGHT YOUR MAGIC
COS YOU ARE MAGIC
YOU WHSIPERED THAT TO ME LONG AGO
LIKE THE BABY WHISPERS TO ME NOW
YOU CREAK IN MY BODY
AND I HEAR YOU DULL ACHES AND HEAVY MOANS
JOYOUS MOANS TOO
BUT WHAT WILL YOU DO LIMBS WHEN YOU CANT TAKE ANY MORE
WILL YOU TELL ME
OR WILL YOU JUST STOP AND BETRAY ME
PLEASE NEVER BETRAY ME
BECAUSE I COULDN’T HANDLE IT
I LOVE YOU FROM MARROW
AND YOU BETRAYING ME WOULD HURT TO MUCH
I PROMISE TO LOVE YOU
SOFTLY AND SWEETLY
KISS YOU IN THE DARK
AND USE GENTLE WORDS AROUND YOU
I CAN OIL YOU WITH MY LUCSIOUS WORDS
OR HEAVY OILS
YOU SPEAK TO ME LONG AGO LIMBS
BUT NOT NOW
NOT ANYMORE
DOES THAT MEAN YOUR DYING ALREADY
PLEASE DON’T DIE ON ME
BUT I KNOW YOU HAVE TO DIE
LIKE MY CHILD EYES WHICH ONCE I USED TO SEE YOU WITH
WE HAVE TO LOVELY
BUT I DON’T WANT TO OF COURSE
WHEN YOU USE THESE WORDS LIKE LOVELY
FILLED WITH SO MUCH LOVE
I UNDERSTAND YOUR LOVE
WITHOUT YOU SAYING IT
OR TRYING TO SAY IT
IT JUST IS
LIKE A TREE GROWING
LIKE MY LIMBS TALKING
THESE MAGICS
ARE SOFT VEILS TO MAKE IT OKAY WHEN THINGS DIE
BECAUSE THAT HURTS DOESN’T IT
THAT’S WHAT EVERYONE SAYS
ISNT IT
IT HURTS TO DIE
AND HURTS EVEN MORE TO SEE SOMEONE DIE
LIKE A MOUNTAIN STANDING STRONG
SO WILL MY LOVE STAND STRONG
IN AN EMPTY DESERT OF YOUR HEART
LIMBS HOLD ME IN MORNING
AND LATE AT NIGHT
WHEN THE WORLDS NOT TALKING
MY LIMBS GIGGLE THEN
LIKE CHILDREN
IT WAKES ME ROUSES MY BODY
AND I FEEL THAT FIRE IN MY BODY
THAT FIRE WHICH LETS YOU KNOW YOUR NOT DEAD YET
A LOT OF PEOPLE TRY TO KILL THEMSELEVES
BUT WHEN YOU HAVE A BODY WHICH LOVES YOU
THAT WOULD BETRAY IT
WOULDNT IT
LIKE YOUR LIMBS WOULD IF THEY DIED ON YOU
THE LAUGHTER OF CHILDREN CANT MAKE THAT OKAY
WHEN YOU SOOTHED MY SOUL
IN THE SOFT NIGHT
I TOLD NO ONE
AND MY SOUL REACHES FOR YOU NOW
WHILE I BIRTH THIS BABY
THROUGH MY TORMENTED BODY
ITS NOT TORMENT
I SAW MY CAT DO IT
IT IS JOYOUS STRUGGLE FOR JOYOUS PLEASURES
OH LORD
A SIGH OF DELIGHT
I TALK TO MY LIMBS AND THEY TALK BACK
THIS ANCIENT LANGUAGE OF TREES
WILLOW WHSIPER THIS SCENT
BY THE EDGES OF LAKE
THEIR PERFUME INTOXICATES YOUR MIND
LIKE A HEAVY LOVE
THE HOUR WHERE SPELLS ARE BOUND
AND MORTALS ARE BOUND
THEIR SOULS TOGETHER
THEIR SOUL SEARCH COMPLETE
THIS MOMENT COMPLETES ME
THE MOMENT MY LIMBS STRETCH
AND BONES MAKE WAY FOR NEW BONES
AND A NEW BODY
THE HEAT RISES AND MY POWER SWELLS INSIDE OF ME
ITS INSIDE OF US ALL
YOU HEAR HER SOFT CRYING AS A LITTLE GIRL
ITS YOU
ITS YOU CRYING AS A LITTLE GIRL
AND THE TEARS FALL DOWN YOUR FACE NOW
HOW HAVE YOU COME SO FAR FROM THAT LITTLE GIRL
AN ETERNITY
IT IS EASY TO GET LOST
I HAVE COME HERE TO GET FOUND
LIMBS GUIDE ME
LIKE BODIES OF GODS
TIED TO MY SOUL
WEIGHING ME TO THESE WORLDY PLEASURES
BUT I CANNOT STOP CRYING AT MYSELF
AS A LITTLE GIRL CRYING
DID I KNOW ALL THE PAIN I WOULD FEEL THEN NOW
IS THAT WHY I AM CRYING
HER SKIN LOOKS SONEW
AND HAIR SO FREE
EVERY CELL OF HER IS ALIVE
AM I JUST CRYING NOW COS YOU CELLS HAVE DIED
I HAVE KILLED MY OWN CELLS
FROM THEN TILL NOW
BUT THERE IS NO GOING BACK
YOU DIDN’T KNOW WHAT DEATH WOULD LOOK LIKE THEN
BUT YOU SAW IT TWICE AFTER THAT
AND YOU WILL SEE IT MORE BABY GIRL
DON’T LIE TO YOURSELF
SO GO CRY THOSE TEARS
IF THOSE ON THE OTHER SIDE HEAR MY
BODILY PRAYER
OUR BODIES WILL BE TOGETHER SOON
BUT FIRST I MUST BIRTH THIS NEW LIFE
A PANTING PAUSE
A STICKY SENSATION AND A BURST
AND INFLUX OF MY OWN POWER
BABY GIRL YOU CAN DO IT
I KNOW YOU’VE CHANGED I KNOW THAT MAKES YOU CRY
I KNOW YOU’VE LOVED LOADS OF THINGS
AND LETTING GO OF ANYTHNG ONCE YOU’VE LOVED IT IS DIFFICULT
DON’T LET IT MAKE YOU BITTER
YOU HAVE TO BIRTH THIS LIFE FIRST BEFORE YOU DIE
I WILL JUST WALK OFF AND DIE
AND NO ONE WILL FIND ME
I WONDER WHEN YOU LOOKED DEATH IN THE EYE
THOSE TWO TIMES BEFORE
WILL IT LOOK DIFFERENT NOW
WHEN IT HOLDS YOUR BODY
IN A SOFT STRONG DRIP
THAT DRAGS YOU UNDER
WHY DO SOULS HAVE TO BE SINGULAR THINGS
WHY CANT OUR SOULS ATTACH IN THIS WORLD
THEN THERE WOULDN’T BE SUCH A RACE TO THE NEXT
OR THE INDESCRIBABLE PLEASURE OF THE NEXT
WHEN OUR SOULS MEET IT WILL
BE TRULY BETTER THAN OUR BODIES EVER MEETING
THEN THAT WILL BE PURE JOY
AND AS I THINK OF JOY
THIS BABY PUSHES AGAINST MY SKIN AGAINST MY INSIDES
AS I PUSH
AS I FEEL THE SKIN EXPANDING
I AM ONLY A MORTAL
BUT ONE DAY I WILL BE NO MORE
I AM ONLY A MORTAL
BUT SOMEDAY I WILL BE MORE
THEY KISS MY FOREHEAD
AND CHRISTIAN ME INTO
THE REALM OF SOULS
AS THIS BABY LEAVES MY BODY
AND I LEAVE THIS WORLD
I ONLY HEAR ITS CRY
THEN I AM GONE
THE ECSTATIC PLEASURE OF MY LIMBS IS NO MORE
I DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO WALK OFF AND DIE
I JUST DIED LAYING THERE ANYWAY
BUT I AM HERE NOW
IN THE PLACE I HAVE FOREVER DREAMED OFF
WITH ALL MY SELEVES
MY BABY GIRL SELF AND MY FULL GROWN SELF
AND NOW THIS NEW SELF
AND I STAY HERE AND WAIT FOR YOU
MY BODILY PLEASURES
THAT BREATHED SOUL INTO MY MORTAL BODY
WHEN I STOOD ON THE EARTH
I WATCH YOU GROW FROM HERE FOR NOW
AND WE WILL MEET AGAIN
AND OUR BODIES WILL COMMUNE
I DON’T NEED TO CRY ANYMORE
YOU BOTH WILL COME TO ME
MY CHILD AND KING
AND WE WILL LAY HERE IN THIS KINGDOM
A KINGDOM OF PARADISE
NOT PLEASURE
BUT I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH
THIS GREEDY
PLEASURABLE LOVE
THIS RICH LOVE
LIKE A RICH SCENT
OR CREAMY TASTE
OH BABY BOY THESE WORLDY PLEASURES YOU HAVE TO SEE
THE MARROW OF MY BONE
IS THE MARROW OF YOUR BONE
SO I AM STILL WITH YOU
WITHIN YOU
AND WITHOUT YOU
YOU CURLS GROW
AND I KISS THEM EVERY DAY
CLOUD KISSES
WHICH CIRCLE AROUND YOUR HEAD
IN A CROWN
FORMING THE BEGINNINGS OF YOUR KINGHOOD
IN THIS KINGDOM OF THE WORLD
YOU WILL FIND A QUEEN
AND SHE WILL KISS YOUR SOUL
BUT FOR NOW YOU GROW STRONG
AND FEEL THE POWER IN YOUR FEET
AS THESE ARE YOUR ANCHORS TO THE WORLD
BUT ONE DAY WE WILL MEET IN THE SKY
I DON’T FORGET MY LORD
MY LOVE
MY KING
OUR SOULS ARE THE STRONGEST TOGETHER
BECAUSE TOGETHER WE MADE THIS
WE MADE A WORLD IN WHICH WE RULE
WITH HAPPINESS AND VIRTUE
AND A SON TO BE KING
AND DEEP BELLY FULLS OF LAUGHTER
MY KING OUR LOVE IS UNWAVORING
AND OUR CONNECTION IS UNQUESTIONABLE
I SALUTE YOUR SOUL
AND WE WILL STAND TOGETHER SOON
IN PARADISE
FOR NOW I WILL LIVE IN YOU
IN THE MARROW
LIKE YOU ONCE LIVED IN ME
IN MY BELLY
FROM BELLY TO MARROW
FOREVER CONNECTED
OUT HEARTS WILL PLAY TOGETHER
LIKE A HARP
IN YOUR LIFETIME
YOU WILL HEAR AN ECHO OF IT
WITH YOUR MORTAL EARS
AND SO WILL YOUR CHILDREN
AND QUEEN
QUEEN GIVE ONTO QUEENS
OUR LOVE IS REBORN
HAPPINESS GROWS
MY LOVE IS SO DEEP
IT COULD EAT THIS ENTIRE WORLD
SO AS I LABOUR YOU NOW
I KNOW MY MARROW
WILL CONTINUE TO YOURS
AND LOVE WILL SUFFICE
AS MY HIP BONE BREAKS
AND I HEAR YOU CRY INTO THE WORLD
BUT NEVER TO LOOK UPON YOUR EYE
MY EYE NEVER TO MEET YOURS
I LEAVE
YOU JOIN AND I LEAVE
NO TIME FOR WALKING OR RUNNING
ITS ALL JUST HAPPENING
NO TIME TO KISS MY KING GOODBYE
THERE IS NO GOODBYE JUST A LAPSE OF TIME
TILL WE MEET AGAIN
INSTEAD I LOOK DEATH IN THE EYE
AND ITS DIFFERENT NOW
SOFT AND SHARP
LETTING GO AND ALL CONSUMING
IT IS EVERYTHING AND NOTHING
I AM HERE NOW
SO AS MY SOUL LEFT THIS WORLD
YOURS JOINED
I LEFT BECAUSE I LABOURED YOU
AND THAT LABOUR
WAS A LOVE SO HEAVY
IT SQUISHED MY HIP BONE
IT BURST MY HEART
THIS HEAVY LOVE CONTINUES IN MY SOUL
NO LIMBS
BUT SOUL
MY EYE DOESN’T NEED TO MEET YOURS
BECAUSE I KNOW IT ALREADY
I CREATED IT IN MY BELLY FULL OF LAUGHS
MY BODY HUGGED YOU IN AND
NOW NO MORE PANTING AND
BACK ARCHING
NO INDESCRIBABLE PLEASURES
A CAT MEOWS BUT I CANNOT
KISS THE EARTH FOR ME WITH YOUR STRONG FEET
MY LOVE WILL FARTHER LIKE A WILLOW TREE
STRONG PROTECTING AND SUPPLE
AND I WILL WATCH OVER FROM A FAR
LIKE A BIRD IN A NEST IN THE TREE
SO YOU ENTERED THIS WORLD CRYING
AND I LEFT THIS WORLD SIGHING
I CRIED AS A LITTLE GIRL
AND NOW YOU CAN TAKE MY PLACE OF THE CRYING
A LAYER OF SWEAT COVERED MY FOREHEAD
AND I MUMBLED
ON THE BRINK OF ETERNITY
AND YOU PUSHED ME IN
ILL SEE YOU IN HERE
MY KING SAW ME OFF INTO THE SOFT DRIP OF DEATH
I FELT HIS LUSCIOUS LIPS ON MY FOREHEAD
HIS HAND ON MY SHOULDER
AND HIM SAYING MY LOVE
THAT WAS ENOUGH OF A FAREWELL FOR ME MY LOVE
IM JUST SORRY I DIDN’T GET TIME TO WALK AWAY
NO TIME FOR WALKING OR RUNNING
WHEN YOUR LABOURING
SKIN BORN ONTO NEW SKIN
CUT THE UMBILICAL CORD
EAT THE PLACENTA AND BE STRONG
KING AND CHILD YET TO BE KING
I WILL CROWN YOU WITH KISSES
NO LIPS TO KISS
NO LIMBS
ILL MEET YOU PAST THE FOURTH ROCK IN THE SKY
THE MIGHTY CLOUDS WILL SHOW YOU THE WAY
TO PARADISE
HEAVEN ISNT POSSIBLE ON EARTH
SO I LOOK FORWARD TO WHEN YOUR BOTH HERE
MY LOVE IS NOW LIMITLESS
AND WITHOUT ANGER
IT JUST IS
THAT IS HEAVEN
I NEVER WANTED TO TURN AWAY FROM YOU
MY LOVE
THE FLOWING WATER FLOATED MY BODY DOWNSTREAM
THE EXHAUSTION WAS TOO MUCH
FOR MY PANTING BODY
AND STRETCHED SKIN
I WORE THIN
MAYBE I WAS NO QUEEN BECAUSE I WAS NOT STRONG
BUT I WAS STRONG AND I AM A QUEEN
I DO NOT NEED TO SAY I LOVE YOU ANYMORE
COS U CAN FEEL IT
ENTER IN THE SKIN
COVER IT LIKE A GOOD WARM OIL
OUR LOVE IS ETERNAL
AND HEAVEN IS OUR ETERNITY
CROWN THIS WORLD WITH JOYS AND MY BODY CAN ROT
AND GROW THE FLOWERS
LIKE YOU GROW YOUR TOE NAILS
STRONG LIKE WHEN YOU WERE FIRST BORN
SWELL YOUR LIMBS TILL THEY ARE FULL
AND YOU WILL BE FULL WITH LOVE
LOVES LABOURS LOST
MY LOVE I LOST TO LABOUR
BUT MY LOVE EXAPANDED
PLEASE FORGIVE MY HEART
FOR BURSTING SO FULL AND MY HIP BONE FOR CRACKING
I HAD TO DIE TO GIVE HIM ALL MY STRENGTH
I WANTED HIM TO HAVE IT ALL
INSTEAD OF LOOK HIM IN THE EYE
IT WAS BETTER THAT WAY
NOW HIS FEET CAN GROW STRONG
ANCHORS IN THE MUD
LET US GIVE EVERYTHING TO OUR KING
PRAISE HIM
FOREVER WAITING BY THE FOURTH ROCK IN THE SKY
THE WOMAN WHO WILL LOVE FOR AN ETERNITY
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